To My 20-Year-Old Self: Sometimes It’s Better to be Single
If only the going-forward in life were as clear as the looking-back.
Being 20 is tough. So much pressure to know what you’re going to do with the rest of your life. So many hopes, dreams, and aspirations. So many mess-ups, failures, and disappointments. So little sleep, time, and money. And unfortunately we don’t have 20/20 vision for living life.
Even though 20 is not the easiest age, I hope you’ll be encouraged by this brand new series in which guest writers share wisdom with their 20-year-old selves. And the good news is we all have permission to eavesdrop.
Today’s post comes from a dear friend Leanne Shirtliffe who lives in Canada and blogs at Ironic Mom. Our friendship really started going somewhere when she asked me to guest post: What to Do with a Dead Chicken. She and I still get frequent search queries about dead chickens that bring people to our blogs. Who knew there was a demand for such information?
I hope we’ll get to meet in person some day soon so that we can shoot hoops or shoot the breeze or do whatever strikes our fancy. Make sure to stop by Leanne’s blog, but first read this powerful poetry that Leanne sends to her 20-year-old self.
~*~*~*~
Sometimes It’s Better To Be Single
Dear 20-Year-Old Self,
If he judges you for your past, he’s not worthy.
If he wishes his interests were your interests, he’s not worthy.
If he judges you for not loving Tolkien, he’s not worthy.
If he writes songs for his friends but not for you, he’s not worthy.
If he wishes your breasts were perkier, he’s not worthy.
If he judges you for helping a friend recover from an abortion, he’s not worthy.
Even if he has a succulent bass voice you want to curl up in forever…
Even if he is passionate about social justice…
Even if he knows just how to kiss you…
Even if he’s someone you think your parents want you to marry…
Even if you love his family…
Even if he writes you drawer-fulls of notes, addressing each one, Fair Damsel…
But.
It doesn’t matter if he’s not worthy.
It matters if you believe you are worthy.
Because you are.
~*~*~*~
Do you have anything you’d add to the not-worthy guy or girl list?
Those who are at least 25-years-old and interested in guest-posting for this series can submit a 750-words-or-less piece (letter, prose, poetry, etc.). Potential topics include, but are not limited to: peer pressure, success, career, starting a family, relationships, roommates, partying, gossip, work, internal issues (i.e. eating disorders, anger, self-esteem, etc.). Really, the possibilities are endless. Submissions or questions can be sent to newlifecalu[at]gmail(dot)com.
Be sure to use the Twitter hashtag for this series: #TM20YOS.
So lovely and true, Leanne!
Thanks, Leigh.
Oh! Leanne, this is beautiful and wise and lovely.
Kim, this series sounds AMAZING. Can’t wait to read more, friend!
Thanks, Jess. That means a lot coming from you.
Thanks, Jess! It’s coming together nicely. You need to guest post for this!
Great stuff Leanne, and I love the series concept Kim. I might have to have a chat with my 20 year old self. Not sure that it’ll fit into blog form though!
These words are good, but I tend to go away from serious before too long, so I inevitably ended up thinking about Wayne (another Canadian) and Garth on Wayne’s World chanting “We’re not worthy! We’re not worthy!”
Mr. Clay, Thank you for lightening the mood. Rather brilliantly, I’d say. We Canadians do like our Waynes…
You can definitely guest post for this one if the thoughts come together in a postable format.
Way to keep things light-hearted!
I hope someone makes one on school.
WOW, just WOW, Leanne.
I relate on so many levels with expectations set by someone else for me at that age. The specifics were different, but the spirit was the same.
I played the not-good-enough role. I woke up one day and realized I deserved more from life and marriage. Thirty days, do-it-yourself divorce papers, two apartments, a shared U-Haul, and we went our separate ways.
It took me long past my twenties to own and believe your last line.
Well done!
Great series, Kim. I’ll be back for more.
Wow, Gloria. That is a journey, both physically and figuratively. I think believing that last line is why I adored my 30s…
Thanks for stopping by, and I look forward to your coming back!
Wonderful and wise! I have a twenty-year old daughter and I’m going to have her read this.
Aww. Thanks, Annie.
I knew back then that he was not worthy of you… But I didn’t know just how SO not worthy he actually really was.
Yes, I’m a slow learner.
Excellent response to the prompt here, Leanne. I like the original format–more of a poem than a letter. Perfect ending too. Aren’t we glad we survived the utter self-consciousness of those days that does not end once the teens years are over!?
You’re so right, Nina. It doesn’t end with the teen years. And I was a pretty confident teen and young adult. But it took me a long time to realize that loyalty can sometimes be a fault… if you’re more loyal to others than yourself.
Thanks for your kind words.
This is lovely Leanne. I love how you start with the bad things he does/says, go on to the good things he says/does, and then end with the overarching issue of whether the narrator thinks she is worthy–and advising her that she is. Whew–I am confusing myself with pronouns and present tense — what I am trying to say is beautiful writing!
Thanks, El. I don’t dabble in poetry too often. This started out as a prose piece. Then I cut it to the bone. This is why I like Twitter – it’s short!
This is a great piece. I think it takes dating someone not worthy of us to realize we are worthy of something better. I just wish for me it didn’t take 2 years!
Well, it took me 6 in this relationship. I am the Golden Retriever of relationships…
Makes me want to go back to the Quiet Pub and give you a little shake!! Compared to some of the rest of us you were a pretty awesome 20 year old though!!!
The QP! We need to go back there! It’s hard to believe we used to START playing basketball at 10:45 p.m. I can’t fathom that now…
Yes, I could’ve used a shake. And on some nights, a second beer…
Good to have someone who knew 20-year-old me well weigh in.
Another wonderful guest post, Leanne, and I LOVE this series idea!
I just wish I couldn’t relate so much, LOL
I imagine there are quite a few of us who wish they couldn’t relate. Hopefully, though, this will give strength to someone who needs to be single for the time being.
Amen. There are fates worse than being single.
Love this series idea and what Leanne has to say.
“It matters if you believe YOU are worthy.” So good, and so true. I nearly had that figured out by the time I was 20, but Oh! that my teenage self could have known that.
Yes, the teenage souls in all of us need to know that. Sometimes it takes us a while to learn it.
Oh, I love this. LOVE it.
Wish I’d read it at 20. GOD, I wish I’d read this at 30.
Almost 40…I’ve read it now.
Thanks, Liz. Sometimes I think it’s something I’m still learning.
Wonderful words! Love the format, too!
Thanks, Winn. It didn’t start as a poem…
Great letter!
20 was a pretty good year for me. I should go back through my old journals and see if I thought that then.
I cannot look at my old journals. I wasn’t even honest.
Very cool to find you on here, Leanne!
Wow this>